My Writing Dream

Edit: WordPress does not like the links to my other WordPress blog so I took what I wrote there and put it here.

My Writing Dream

For a long time now, as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a writer of stories. It came to me years ago as I was thinking about what I wanted to do with my life. I thought about being a police officer, medical practitioner of any type, astronaut, and lots of other jobs that seemed interesting to a young boy. There was so much to choose from, that I didn’t think about it nor made any plans for it. Not sure when, but I heard or read somewhere to get a job doing something I love doing. At the time, I enjoyed reading, shooting targets, and gaming. In those days in the mid to late 1980’s in Montana, that is all I had for entertainment. I didn’t have much money. In fact, until I started working at Hardee’s, I had no money. I loved the library. That is where I got most of my books that read. Mostly fantasy, science fiction and adventure. In my gaming group, everyone wanted me to be the Gamemaster or Dungeonmaster, depending on the game. I did not realize it at the time, but I think why everyone wanted me to be the GM/DM was that I had told good and exciting stories. It was, for me at the time, a tedious and boring as I wasn’t adventuring, but guiding people in an adventure. It took time, but I learned that telling stories can be exciting.

My writing epiphany.

In 1995, I left Montana and joined the regular Army. During my time in the Army, I met a few fellow soldiers that also played D&D. Got into the group and had a blast. My friend Jason had an unique style of play. He DM’d the game by the seat of his pants. It made the game exciting as no one really knows what was going to happen. After getting out of the Army, we stopped gaming as the gaming group broke up. In the civilian world, I found home in several gaming groups over the years. My writing pretty much ceased to exist during these times. Some years later, the gaming group I was with disbanded for various reasons. I was without my game.  Then I had a thought. If people liked my game so much, then I should be able to write stories. Perhaps even get them published.

Funny way to go about writing.

You would think I started writing, by writing something. I didn’t. Sure I put down lots and lots of notes of various thoughts. Filled countless notebooks with just that, ideas. Nothing coming close to resembling a story. Not even a short story. What I did instead was to search and learn on how to write a story. What people look for in a story. Rules and more rules on the craft of writing. I learned so much that it became literally overwhelming to start writing. I knew I was good at the English language. It was my best subject in High School. Just had extreme difficulty in getting things written. I spent lots of money on books, gotten two laptops over the years for the express purpose of writing. Yet for years I didn’t sit down and actually write.

When I started writing.

Last year was my second or third Nanowrimo. In the previous years I started Nano, but got nothing or much of anything down. In the year of 2012, November, I actually put out 50k worth of words. Ok, I cheated on some days, but most of it is an actually story. Thinking back on it, I have a difficult time now thinking about my mindset. I do remember sitting down and staring at the screen, wondering what shall I write. I think I thought a little about the scene first then started writing. There is the key: writing.

Getting past the fear of writing.

I have a fear of writing. Of putting all that work into something and having it being just for nothing. In the months since then, I didn’t do much of any writing. Depression or some form of that disease of the mind was eating away at me. Earlier in 2012, I discovered that I was searching for my writing process. I guess I am searching for tools that other writers have used and make them my own. Still working on it. The thing about writing is that you can go back and fix it later.

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